Written February 4, 2024
The morning of surgery we arrived early. Through the tall glass windows, you could still see the dark early morning outside. We waited, passing by time, waiting for my name to be called. My friend Jeremy, who I have grown up with since we were babies in diapers, called to talk, give a few words of comfort, and let me know he was praying for me.
When my name was called to go back to prepare for surgery Aunt Pam gave me a big hug, kissed me on the cheek, squeezed my hand, and said, "You've got this girl, be strong!". Jerome would be allowed back with me as soon as they had me prepped, and an IV in and ready for surgery. Once he was able to come back I thought I'd have to leave soon, it was close to the time they had given us for surgery. But I'm thankful we were given a lot of time together.
The nurse in charge was concerned because the surgical room had been cleaned and was ready, she went to check what the long delay was and found out that it was because they were setting up a lot of equipment needed for my surgery. Having that long bit of time together with my husband comforted me while we waited. He prayed with me and it wasn't much longer after that they came to wheel me back for surgery. My husband kissed me and told me he loved me and that he would see me in a few hours. As they rolled the bed I was on through all the hallways, each door opening and closing the temperature kept getting colder and colder. The nurse told me they keep it very cold in the surgery area. As I was wheeled into the operating room I was surprised at how extremely large the room was, it was at least the size of the first floor of our home. I wasn't as scared and anxious as I thought I would be, I thought for sure I'd get the shakes like I did with each of my c-sections but I didn't. As I looked around the operating room I could see one wall full of large screens that my scans were on, I could clearly see how large the mass was that they were getting ready to remove. There were a lot of lights and machines, a large table draped with a cloth with surgical instruments that two men in scrubs were working with, I quickly looked away from there because I knew I didn't want to see anything that would bring on the fear. A nurse anesthetist came over to me and introduced herself, I think maybe she could see me lying there looking around the surgical room. She was very nice and very calming. I was then moved over to the operating table and the nurse anesthetist told me she was going to give me a little oxygen. She had gone over everything with me and what to expect before surgery. It was in that moment, before she put the mask on my face, that I knew all the prayers that had been prayed for me, the words of comfort and reassurance of faith from Pastor Jamie as he prayed over me and anointed me before arriving here at Duke, and the may continued prayers during my surgery time, that I knew and felt in my heart that I was at peace. I was at peace with each opening and closing of the double doors through the long hallways leading to the operating room, I was at peace when I was wheeled into the large operating room that should have felt overwhelming but didn't and I was at peace as she put the mask on my face as I knew surgery was to begin soon after.
I am so very grateful and blessed for all your words of comfort and hope, and the many prayers prayed for me, they were all truly felt on this day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
After surgery is somewhat of a blur. Some things I remember and some things I don't. I remember when I first woke up the terrible sharp pain I felt in my neck. I remember I wanted my husband but had to wait until they had me ready to see him. Even though I was in pain, I remember when he was able to come back, the relief I felt just having him there. It had been a 3.5 hour surgery and our kids were worried but hopeful all was well. I don't remember being moved to my room but I do remember how blurry everything felt, the pain was awful. I remember the nurses, Jerome and Aunt Pam trying to get me settled in the room. I was crying, I was in pain, sound and touch are really the only things I can remember. I do remember Jerome telling me to smile, he was sending our kids a picture to let them know I had made it out of surgery. I remember trying my hardest to smile but being in so much pain.
It all felt like a blur of sorts that first day, I remember touch and sound but not a lot else that little bit after surgery. I remember the pain the most. I remember feeling Aunt Pam rubbing my arm, saying, "You've got this girl. You are much stronger than you think. You can do this." I know today as I write this, those are the words I needed to hear in that moment and I am so very thankful she was there to be able to not only comfort me but also Jerome. I know he was strong for me through all of this, he had to be because I wasn't, so he had to be strong for both of us.
I was released from the hospital a day or two after surgery, as awful as it sounds, the nurse told me it isn't the doctors who get to decide how long a patient stays but the insurance company. On doctors orders, we were told to stay a week after surgery in a local hotel so that if anything does happen we would be close. As luck would have it, something did happen, I had an allergic reaction to the pain medicine they had me on. We called the on-call number for the on-call neuro they had given us at 4:30am from the place we were staying. The operator on the other line took our information and said she would have an on-call neuro doctor call us back. We called several more times with no callback. By 10:30am we still hadn't received a callback. After several calls to the on-call line with no callbacks, we headed to the emergency room at Duke, I was around 48 hours out from having a craniectomy, I was due pain medicine hours ago but couldn't take it because of the reaction. The ER was packed and crazy. Jerome held his arm around my neck sitting behind me so I could rest my head on his arm, it hurt too much to hold it up on my own. We sat like this for the entirety of that ER visit. The mass during surgery was larger than they expected and had to cut down into my neck and sew my neck back up tighter so that I wouldn't have a void from the large mass removed.
It was around 4:30pm that a nurse (I thought at the time) came walking into the ER yelling my name, he looked frazzled. I was crying and in pain, we had called numerous times all day since 4:30am to the number we were given but never received a callback. I remember this man in scrubs, he looked frazzled, he came and knelt down beside me and asked me how I was doing. Maybe that wasn't the right question to ask me or maybe I had just had enough of sitting in the ER in such pain post-surgery, but I lost it. My emotions, my pain, my frustration of all of it, I just lost it and I yelled at him. As it turns out, he was the on-call neuro, he apologized for just getting to me and explained to us that he was the only on-call neuro for several different floors. He asked what pain medicine I had ever had in the past that I had taken and never had an allergic reaction to. He took me up to the nurse's station and immediately gave me some pain medicine. We left the ER with a new prescription for pain medicine that my body could handle and I was finally able to go back to our room and rest.
There were no other options for us that day, our only option was to go to the ER (after not ever receiving a callback), it frustrates me that this happened because insurance companies call the shots. I remember when we left the hospital after surgery, I was not even walking to the bathroom alone without any help. I remember thinking it was crazy being released but I also thought how much nicer it would be to be able to be in the room at our Air B&B and be able to have some fresh air and a more comfortable place to recover after surgery.
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