On October 26th this journey began.
It all started as a combination of an anaphylactic reaction to an iron infusion and being given too much iron causing iron toxicity. I was kept at Cabell Huntington Hospital for 44 hours in observation, they were solely focused on the anaphylactic reaction. My head hurt continually through it all. Steroids were the only thing that would alleviate the head pain. All other symptoms went away but the head pain remained, it wasn't a headache pain, it was a pain in the back of my neck like someone had hit me hard with a baseball bat. I'll never forget the nurse coming in waving the discharge papers and telling us we were able to go home, when just 30 minutes prior I was crying to her telling her my head was still hurting terribly. I blame this on the tri-state area we live in, I didn't want pain medicine, it hadn't worked anyway, I just wanted answers to why my head was hurting so bad.
We went home after being discharged, I was still hurting so I laid down to hopefully sleep it off. My daughter, Natalie, came over and made homemade chicken noodle soup for us for dinner, so my husband woke me up to eat. Still in pain, I tried to eat and spend some time with Aria, my granddaughter. We went to bed early but I couldn't sleep, the pain was increasing. It had been a long two days and my husband had to work the next morning so I just tried to deal with the head pain on my own. I tried everything, I knew it was inflammation because the steroids were the only thing that would take the pain away. I looked up ways to reduce inflammation. I even took an ice-cold shower and let the water run on the back of my head in hopes of some relief. By 3am, after no sleep because of the terrible pain, it had intensified so much that I couldn't take it anymore. I woke my husband up and told him something was still wrong. The pain was absolutely excruciatingly unbearable, I wanted to just hold my head and scream I was in so much pain. Jerome quickly got us ready and we left to go to the hospital. I KNEW I needed to go to the hospital but was hesitant because they had just released us several hours earlier from Cabell. I didn't feel like they had listened to me so we went to St. Mary's Hospital and I am so glad we did. When we arrived my top bp number was over 200, I was in severe pain and just couldn't bear it. They basically threw the book at me to figure out the cause of the severe pain. The St. Mary's ER doctor gave me a steroid dose, it relieved the intense pain and I felt immense relief, the pain was still there but was bearable. Then I was sent for a CT scan. We waited for the results, I was so relieved my head wasn't hurting anything like before. Then I was sent for another CT scan, this time with contrast. Later the ER doctor came in, she closed the door, and sat down to tell us that they had found a mass that shouldn't be there that could possibly be cancer.
I'll never forget that initial shock and numbness I felt hearing those words. They were admitting me to do further testing. The vitals machine was turned off and we were to wait to be taken up to a different floor for admission to the hospital. At first, when she left, we were both silent, the room was silent, no machines beeping, just us waiting to be moved. Jerome sat in the chair with his head in his hand, I sat numb and silent for a minute. My mind was going a million miles a minute. We were both just processing what the doctor had just told us. Then I started asking him questions after the shock somewhat wore off. He came over and sat on the bed with me, I was worried and scared, and holding back the tears, he put his arms around me and held me close but I was too numb to cry. We were moved upstairs and I was then taken for an MRI. I cried a whole lot in the hospital, Jerome was the strength I needed and was there to hold me every time I cried and to reassure me everything would be ok. While admitted I was given an occipital nerve block and a bone scan at the Nuclear Science Lab. I was nervous about the bone scan because I absolutely freaked out with the first MRI, but it was nothing like the MRI. St. Mary's was able to get my inflammation down, which was causing all the severe head pain, and everything else under control. We were given follow-up appointments with the neurologist, and neurosurgeon and told to find an oncologist and make a follow-up appointment with my regular doctor. We were released from St. Mary's on October 31st, just in time for trick-or-treating.
(a picture my kids sent me of the littles at our home while I was in the hospital)
It was a cold October 31st, Jerome was trying to rush me into the truck where it was warm because it was so cold outside, but the sunshine on my face felt so good, even the crisp cold air, I just wanted to breathe it in for a minute so I made him wait. I felt better, even with the possibility, but I wasn't in pain and I was so grateful to be going home. It all changed the way I felt, taking every little moment in, even the rustling of the leaves and the sound of the trick-or-treaters as we turned the corner to home. I was thankful for everything and I wanted to enjoy and take it all in. Our kids were trick-or-treating with their babies when we got home. Jerome was working on bringing our bags into the house. I walked through our home, the kids had cleaned everything. I stepped into the living room, it was dark because we weren't there to hand out candy like we usually do. The box of Halloween decorations I never got a chance to put up was put away, the girls had pulled out all the decorations and decorated for trick-or-treat night for me. The little's witch hats that they loved playing with hung in the window, jack-o-lanterns they had carved were flickering with candlelight outside and picture frames lined the mantle of past Halloween trick-or-treat nights. I stood there for a minute taking it all in, it was beautiful seeing all the little details they had put into decorating, the mantle pictures made me feel very sentimental. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying again. I didn't know what the future held and I was terrified. I couldn't help but think questions in my mind like, "What if this is the last year I get to see them trick-or-treat". Jerome heard me crying, ran to where I was, hugged me, and let me cry it all out. I was glad our kids and grandbabies weren't home at that moment, I was glad they were out filling their little buckets with candy in their Ariel, Flounder, and Sully costumes. Reality had set in deep and thinking what I may miss was too overwhelming.
I heard our kids and grandbabies coming up the steps, I put on my strong happy face and wiped my tears. I got lots of hugs and cuddles that night. Aria was running around the room roaring like Sully from Disney's Monsters Inc., Kennedy's costume made me laugh, she made the perfect little Flounder. Audrey had changed out of her Ariel costume because she was cold and came to cuddle with me in the chair. She said, "You ok Nana?" as she cuddled her favorite stuffed puppy and fiddled with the ice pack strings on my neck. I was happy to be home and to be with my family again.
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